plz talk dirty to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
