i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
