remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
