I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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