I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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