some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
