Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
