does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
