I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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