I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
