Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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