I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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