Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
