i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize