My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
