Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
