i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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