Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
