my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
