Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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