I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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