he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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