im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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