living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
