I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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