I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
