Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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