similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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