Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
