Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
