My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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