I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
