I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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