is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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