I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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