never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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