When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
