it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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