it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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