I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Text me some of your sweat
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