our cab driver is having phone sex.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
