my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
