you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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