sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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