she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
