Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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