I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
