Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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