Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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