I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
