She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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