Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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