my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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