fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
