you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
