saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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