His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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