I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
