so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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