Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
