You're my little dorito
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
