i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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