saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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