Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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