dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize