Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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