i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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